You can tell when a man needs a doctor, because he's either dead, or whatever is wrong with him has dropped off! Men, it has to be said, are not very good at looking after themselves. Perhaps this is one reason why we die younger than women. If we are bad at looking after our physical health, we are even worse at looking after our emotional well-being.
I am a psychotherapist who specialises in working with men and their partners. I see men all the time who leave it too late before they seek help. All too often, their relationship is on the rocks, they are struggling at work, and emotionally they don't know how they are going to cope.
It is true that some men are getting much better at looking after their physical health. Magazines like Men's Health have helped to raise our awareness about the importance of nutrition and exercise. The emotional cost, however, is to promote a vision of male health and beauty which serves to undermine our self-esteem.
There is another threat to our self-esteem, and that comes in the shape of feminism. Female political activism has made great strides throughout the 20th century. It is undeniable that the reforms they promoted were both urgent and necessary and, it should also be added, far from complete. Feminism, though, is a political philosophy designed around the needs of women, and leaves men with nowhere positive to turn in order to understand their experience of themselves, and their world. Not surprisingly, faced with the feminist critique, men retreat, can feel devalued, and even irrelevant.
Men also face a further problem in accessing health care. They perceive that services are not relevant to them. Whether it is a GP practice or counselling practitioner, men often feel the way the service is presented, from the language used in describing the service, to the choice of magazines in the waiting area, excludes rather than includes them. It is my mission to reverse this, and make emotional well-being accessible and relevant to men.
I have worked with men and their partners, since 1995. I have some understanding of ‘what makes men tick’. It seems to me that now, more than ever before, there is the need for a voice that takes men's physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being seriously. This blog is my attempt to do just that.
This blog isn’t just for men though. Often in my practice as a psychotherapist I meet men who ‘have been sent’ by their partners. The suffering of the man is so great it has motivated their partners to search out a therapist who can help. This blog is also for those women who want to understand and help their men with their problems in living.
I passionately believe that all men have the right to feel good about themselves and their lives. I hope that by reading my blog, you come to create this in your own life.
Phil Tyson Ph.D.
1st January 2009
